In my head I hear a song sung in “klapa” style (a capella Dalmatian sailors singing):
“FJAKA, you save my life, FJAKA, you are my remedy,
You make me happy when I’m super slow
You turn my life around when I embrace your flow”
After this sweet melody, I see myself dressed in a suit, with several “fjaka super models” at my disposal, delivering this revolutionary remedy to my fellow Texans and Americans. I switch into my “alchemist Doctor mode”. I can see this whole thing as an infomercial entitled: “Fjaka, your unproductive genius!” Or “Fjaka is for health and life”. The best one yet: “Fjaka beats yoga and meditation”, by Dr. Loreta Kovacic, the Alchemist.
My fjaka supermodels range from young kids to old couch potatoes, people of all shapes and sizes, to show the incredible diversity of humanity all fitting the profile of the potential fjaka customer.
So, here it is:
My name is Dr. Kovacic (a very distant geographical neighbor of Dr. Oz) and I will reveal to you secrets of FJAKA, the best way to stay healthy and remain youthful for life. (Show relaxed fjaka Super models). Fjaka is Croatian slang word for the relaxed state of body and mind, commonly known as “sweetness of doing nothing” especially amongst Mediterranean types. Southern Croatians also known as Dalmatians really nurture their own ability to slow themselves down into this daydreamy state.. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why drug addictions, especially to heroin are most prominent in Split, the beautiful capital of Dalmatian coast. (After traveling to many great cities in the world, I still consider the city of Split to be the prettiest of all.) Growing up around Split, I was introduced to fjaka early on, just like all other kids in our “kala” (street). After immigrating to USA I realized how precious this ability really is. I just had to share it!
FJAKA IS FOR YOUR HEALTH!
Fjaka helps cure diseases, makes you look and feel younger so what more do you want!!!
Ok ok, here is more….It helps metabolism, it improves your immunity, it helps your creativity, your productivity, your well being, your relationships, even your sex life! (Show smiling Happy fjaka super models)
ORIGINS OF FJAKA (show beautiful Dalmatian coast with people relaxing on the beach and in coffee shops, choose young ones.)
I did not learn it from Dr. Oz, it came to me naturally
I was born a Doctor in Dalmatia, southern part of Croatia, and that’s where fjaka is from:
To us Dalmatian people it is a highly valued state
We are never ashamed about our fjaka, on the contrary, we are so very proud of our fjaka in every way:
We can recognize and respect each other’s fjaka and we teach it to our children and loved ones. Fjaka has been in our genes for generations. Fjaka can therefore be viewed as our national and cultural heritage.
FJAKA REVOLUTION IN THE WEST (put on red background with a communist in a beach chair)
In especially western society, people are not proud to be “unproductive”, but in fact, being unproductive is a necessary prerequisite to being productive and westerners still do not take this endeavor with the seriousness it deserves. I am calling for a social and psychological revolution that we need in the developed world in order to change our state of mind and to accept the true value of being unproductive, hence the true value of FJAKA. Fjaka crosses social and class barriers because it is for both the rich and the poor. However, middle class might be the most unfortunate, because they simply have no time to fjaka around….and this is a good reason for a revolution!!!!
FJAKA IS FOR EVERYONE (show super models in different and unusual environments doing fjaka)
Fjaka is for everyone because It is natural and super easy!! To get into fjaka, just lay down in a comfortable spot Like your bed: Relax and don’t move. You can sit if you prefer. The goal is to expel least amount of energy on your part…Try not to think, because thinking interferes with fjaka. Try to really enjoy your surroundings, whatever they are: the sounds, smells and visions that surround you. Pick a beautiful spot, like your bed, or a comfy spot on the porch, or a nice spot on an empty Dalmatian beach, or, if you like sounds of the crowd, a park bench near a busy market or a cozy spot in the middle of a busy downtown bar…
Start in small increments 15 minutes then increase gradually to any length desired. More then 5 years can cause problems with your landlord.
Here is our Houston fjaka super model Joe, during his fjaka in the middle of the crowded bar on Main street. (Insert a funny photo of Joe sleeping while leaning on a big cowboy sculpture in Houston)
FJAKA DISTRACTIONS: (show supermodel being ever so slightly inconvenienced by a belly dancer)
If someone starts to talk to you while you are in fjaka you may reply or not. If someone tries to distract you from fjaka, you might welcome the opportunity to get out of your fjaka or, if you are a true fjaka master, you might simply remain in fjaka. In that case, you will see, but really not see anything at all, you will remain unfazed by the events surrounding you. This helps in many situations like wars and such…. Your distraction will not feel like an abrupt uncomfortable interruption as you might feel if the same thing happens while you are meditating, rather it feels like a tiny inconvenience. Therefore, fjaka is more flexible state then meditation.
FJAKA IS FREE (fjaka models turn their pant pockets inside out to show no money)
Fjaka is for everyone because no classes and tuition fees are necessary as it is the case with yoga and meditation. Consider this video a gift from our universal fjaka gods.
SIMILAR TO YOGA AND MEDITATION (super models try to meditate and do yoga, then decide to just do fjaka)
Fjaka is similar to a yoga pose or to meditation. But Fjaka is better because it is a God-given gift to all of us!
People who practice meditation and yoga or people who know how to turn off their thinking and working brain can do fjaka very easily. The ones who are not naturals at this process may value fjaka more because it may truly transform and greatly improve their lives.
To summarize, FJAKA IS FOR YOUR HEALTH AND FOR LIFE. You can do it too, so start now and have a great fjaka season whatever it may be. (for us Dalmatians, it is all year). And, furthermore, AlchemistPianoTheatre at Esperanza on 1100 Roy street in the Heights will be premiering Dr. Kovacic’s new children’s theatre production of ‘CHRISTMAS FJAKA” giving an alternative view of a perfect Christmas holiday in December of 2014.
AIME, vata me fjaka! Translation: oooh, I am being caught by fjaka.About the author:
Loreta holds a Doctorate in Music from Rice University, but is widely known for her performances from Houston’s small local stages to Carnegie Hall. Her critically acclaimed work, “Brother Tadpole, classics”, garnered her a Grammy nomination. When she’s not performing she plays, composes, teaches, directs and creates original children’s musicals at her studio in Houston.
Following her passion and inspired by her daughter, who has dyslexia, she decided to create a non-profit theatre program that welcomes and encourages children with learning disabilities to help them gain confidence and inspire their creative side.
In her native Croatia, Loreta was known as her country’s first female electronic keyboard player as well as a classical pianist. Her songs have been played on Croatian radio and TV, Houston’s radio KUHF and KPFT and the International Space Station. Her music and videos are available on Amazon, You tube, CDbaby, etc. “Her show has a distinctive cabaret feel to it, with all the notes filtered through her larger-then-life personality.” (Culturemap, Houston, 2010)
You can find out more on her website https://www.loretakovacic.com